Lifes Little Lessons

New quote to live my life by "Sometimes your Knight in Shining Armour is just a Retard in tin foil!" This can be looked at one of two ways... First, the guy that you believed to be perfect turned out to be something far from that. Two, Even though you know you deserve that knight in shining armour you just setter for the retard because he is there at that moment. Recently I have had an encounter with the first example. Just about a year and a half ago one of my friends had me call one of his friends and we started talking on a regular basis. We started sharing details of our lives that you only tell those who are closest to you, I felt so comfortable talking to him. This guy had become the man of my dreams... LITERALLY!!! He made me feel so special and made me feel wanted. Worst of all he made me happy. I became that stupid love sick girl who could see herself spending the rest of her life with this special someone. For a year and a half it was this guy and only him even though he was hundreds of miles away. I couldn't imagine my life without him. A month ago I went to go see him and it was probably the worst trip of my life. This guy that was supposed to be perfect basically blew me off and I spent 90% of my time sitting around in a hotel only to find out when he was taking me to the airport that him and his ex girlfriend were talking about giving it another shot. I never even got a chance!He was everything I ever hoped for and my worst fear came true and I wasn't good enough. This guy that I trusted with everything and believed in had let me down. I jumped hoping to fly and I fell like a rock! I'm really just sick of being the one that takes the chance and puts myself out there and getting hurt... I can't take much more of this! It has been a month and I still think about him all the time... everything I see and everything I do reminds me of him and it takes all I have not to send him a text when something happens because I just want to share it with him. I don't full on bawl my eyes out as much anymore, but every now and then I am reminded and my eyes fill with tears and at least one rolls down my cheek. I'm trying so hard to stay busy but it isn't exactly working in my favor, but I guess we will see what the next few months bring. Wish me luck!

Summer in Evanston

I have officially been home for about a month and I'm not going to lie... I wish I wasn't. Its hard to come back home after you have been on my own for so long and then come home to nothing... No friends, no life, it is just work and those awesome online classes trying to stay on track. I even feel like I need to get another job because I have become so bored. Also that other job will sure come in handy because I think I need to go to California, but it will be quite fantastic :D!!! I guess I will just keep on keepin on until I get those little moments that make me remember that it will be okay. There is only 3 months left then it is back to Ogden, and I can't wait but until then I'm stuck in Evanston to rott to my death at the maverik! Wish me luch :D

Ambition

Setting goals is always a good thing. We are tought to set long term goals and short term goals that will help us reach those long term goals. Recently I have set a long term goal slash life ambition. I want to run a marathon. I have never been the track star and running just to run has never really been me. I like running for a purpose such as ball sports. You might be thinking so why in the world does she want to run a marathon. Honestly I couldn't tell ya either, I just want to. I was thinking the other day and said to myself "How many people can say that they ran a marathon before they were 25?" I have ran this by some of my family, no pun intended, and most of them have been pretty supported, other just look at me like I'm nuts! I have recieved some help on designing a running program and I have started my training and I have my first 5k in 6 weeks. I think by doing this I will really find out just how much will power I actually have and also find out a lot about myself! Today I found out that I need to cut about 3 minutes off my mile time if I want to do a 5k in under 30 minutes. I'm really exited to see what I am capeable of. Wish me luck :D

Bootylicious

When it comes to body image you learn in elementary school that you should love your body the way it is. By the time you hit middle school that image is usually shot to hell because of the media and most of all your peers. Then before you know it you are in high school and you see the girls no eating or eating very little becuase they are fat! Boo freaking hoo!!! Well lets just say I have never been one of those girls. I love food and I love the way I am. Most girls hate the way they look and I'm not going to lie there are things I would like to change but until then I'm pretty happy. I would like to thank my dearest grandma for blessing me with what I like to call the tripple threat, The bubble butt, the huge greek birthing hips, and we can't forget the thighs! Recently I have been so in love with my booty that it is not even funny. I even went and tried on pants, I hate trying on pants but let me tell you my butt looked damn good in them. Its just this perfect bubble that is so cute and round. All I can wish for is that other people, mostly young girls can realize that its not normal or even healthy to be a size double 0!!! I want girls to know that its okay to have curves and embrace them and be thankful for the body you have!

Home is where the heart is

I'm not going to lie... I have the best friends a girl could ask for but considering the circumstances some of those friends haven't been the greatest in the last couple of years. I still love my friends but they have reminded me that family is where its at. I have a huge family and I love it... even all the drama... and I can't wait to have my own huge family. I have the best sister in the whole world she makes me laugh so hard and I love every minute I get to spend with her. Even though when we were younger it didn't seem like we would ever get along. Recently I have become so much closer to My cousin Jessica. I know she will take care of me if I ever needed her to. She has basically taken me under her wing and is the acting big sister since mine far away. Going away to college has also brought me closer to another one of my cousins. We were always really close but now that we don't see eachother very often the time we do get to share is just that much greater and as I sit here and think of all the good times we had two of them stick out in my mind... the time I cut all of her curly hair off and the time she suggested we play desk tag and I was severley wounded! I love kesley with everything I have and I'm so glad I have her in my life. Kelsey's younger sister Lindsay and I have gotten closer over the last few years. I will never forget the times we shared with lamo in freshman basketball. Those were some of the funnest times of my life and I wouldn't trade them for the world. So many people have influenced and mad an impact on my life, these are the ones that I just feel so much more recently and I love my family so much and I don't know what I would ever do without them. They are the world to me.

Top 10 Things I hate

1. Murry, Utah
Enough Said
2. Northwest Airlines
Who doesn't check baggage... they are making bank... and they scare the hell out of you when they turn the exit light on when you are landing... and what ever happened to that cute bag of peanuts nope they charge ya now!
3. Obi one the gps
Shes such a big B word! don't yell at me like that and the least you could do was say pleas when you tell me to turn left!
4. Extended stay delux hotel
Um hello the toilet usually needs to flush... and non smoking rooms shouldn't smell like fresh smoke!
5. Out of state tuition
I'm already paying a shit ton of money to go to your damn school and just because I'm not from there you think you can charge me more!
6. People with Small feet
Okay my feet are huge I get that but still I should be able to have the same shoes as other girls but no I get to wear man soes!
7. Cell Phone Salesmen at the Mall
Okay its pretty bad when you know who I am and I know you by name because you ask me the same damn question everytime I walk by and the answer is still the same!!
8.Stupid boys sending mixed signals
Cant ya just grow a pair and let me know how you really feel I mean come on give me something to work with!
9. Stupid girls
Hello How old are we... lets pretend just for a sec that I cared about who did what to who
10.Hotel Towels
I mean really those things are tiny they wouldn't even fit around my 4 year old neice!

Amazingness!

Okay these are the lyrics to my most recent favorite T.I. song off of his newest ablum Paper Trail, No Matter What. I feel like it's the soundtrack to my life right now and it makes me see that it is going to be okay.

Yeah. yeah. yeah. aye.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,
I say still I stand
Hey shorty here I am

Never have ya seen in ya lifetime
A more divine southern rapper wit a swag like mine
Facing all kind of time
But smile like I'm fine
Brag with such passion and shine without trying
Believe me pain's a small thing to a giant
I was born without a dime
Out the gutter I climbed
Spoke my mind
And didn't stutter one time
Ali say even the greatest gotta suffer some time
So I huff and puff rhymes
Lyrics so sick with it
Set the standard in Atlanta
How to get get get it
So you up and coming rappers wanna dis just kill it
I'm officially the realest
Point blank period
Whether I still live in the hood or just visit
Whatever you can do in the hood I done did it
That why the dope boys and the misfits feel it
This still his city as long as tip living (listen)

[Chorus]
I ain't dead (no)
I ain't done (no)
I ain't scared (of what!)
I ain't run (from who!)
But still I stand (yeah)
No matter what VA here I am(Yeah)
No matter what remember
I ain't break (never)
I ain't fold (never)
They hate me more (so!)
Yeah I know
There I go (yeah)
No matter what shorty here I go
No matter what shorty

You let the blog sites and the magazines tell it
I'm sure to be in jail till 2027
Rather see me in a cell in-
Stead of this new McLaren
God'll take you through hell just to get you to heaven
So even know its heavy the load I will carry
Grin and still bear it
Win and still share it
Apologies to the fans I hope you can understand it
Life can change ya directions
Even when you ain't planned it
All you can do is handle it
The worst thing you could do is panic
Use it to your advantage
Avoid insanity manage to conquer
Every obstacle
Make impossible possible
Even when winnings illogical
Losing's still far from optional
Yeah they wanna see you shot up in the hospital
But one life throw punches, block ya counter like a boxer do
Been locked inside my case too long
I did a song to make it known that the king lives on
(Pimping)

[Chorus]

Even in solitude
There's still no hotter dude
I show you how to do
What you do
You ain't got a clue
All you do is follow dudes
Sound like a lot of dudes
I weather whatever storm
Make it out without a bruise
I understand why
Now wit my hands tied
They take shots cause if I'm out there it's a land slide
But revenge is best served as a cold dish
And suckers will get served better know this
Guess it was understood for me it was over with
But I don't quit if ya ain't notice yet
They couldn't wait to say good night shorty
So they can try to rhyme act and look like shorty
Go get a beat from Toomp? and make a hook like shorty
Before ya know it I'm back
What it look like shorty
I lost my partner and my daughter in the same year
Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here
Yeah and I hope the picture painted clear
If ya heart filled with faith then ya cant fear
Wonder how I face years and I'm still chillin'
Easy, let go and let god deal wit it

[Chorus]